Shower Thoughts (Meret)

Shower Thoughts (Meret)

Postby Meret » Wed Dec 14, 2016 8:53 pm

Meret stood awkwardly in the shower, letting the near boiling hot water sluice down her fur. Sewer gunk. Human waste. Rats. Grease. The sneering Spirals, all under their own noses.

And the smell of sewage too thick to try and get a scent off one of them. Damnit. She crouched and lowered her head so the water could wash over the top of her head and her neck, down the bare flesh of her throat.

She had worked so hard. She wanted to make the Alpha proud. Long furred hands started to scrub clean soap into her fur, trying to work out the grease and a long tar smear down her side. Gathering everyone together. This was suppose to be happy. This was suppose to be unifying.

You ruined it. Like you ruined the last Pack.

Meret crouched lower, trying to rinse the soap out. Her face, her wrong face was a mask of pain. It was me. I let this happen. They're an Auspice Pack. What do they need you for? Acid Rain can sing their tales better then you can. You attracted a weak Totem. A Totem that will get them all killed.

The bulk in the shower grew smaller, shifting down to her unassuming human skin. Still wearing a flannel, old band tee shirt, jeans and boots. Quietly she peeled each garment off, letting them collect in a soggy pile at the far end of the tub. They were a colorless mess, but at least they were clean.

The steam didn't help the keening sound that came from her, though the shower masked it. You don't deserve to help Kesnia raise that baby. You don't deserve any of them. You did this. YOU.

It went back and forth. Someones she was the aggressor, screaming at the small shivering fear deep in her mind. Other times she was the fear, the despair. Knowing that it was her that caused all of this. Judge. Jury.

You could always leave. Just.. leave. Never come back. What's to keep you here? A Pack you don't deserve? Grey eyes looked around the shower desperately, as if seeking an escape route.

Stop running.

She flinched. Sank to the floor and hugged her knees to her chest. Letting the too-hot water burn her shin. Which healed, and burned again. She deserved the pain.

This isn't helping anyone. Yes. You fucked up. Now what are you going to do about it?

Echos of a person she no longer was. The Meret who sang and laughed. Who told jokes. Who learned to sing stories about Coyote and Spider, who earned her rank by telling a tale of glory.

What am I going to do about it..

Do you honestly think that Ksenia would let you give up that easily? You failed her. You failed all of them. You have to make this right.

Make them strong. Make them better. Make it so they'll be ok without you. When that happens, then you can go.

She hadn't realized that tears were forming, only to get splashed away the moment they hit her ruddy cheeks. Alowing herself that goal made her feel better about the decision.

Make them better. Make them ok.

The how would come later. Right now she felt better, and that was enough to get her through to the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that.
Meret 'Echoes of the Past'
Cliath Metis Silent Strider Galliard
Cha: 5 (Trustworthy) | Man: 3 | App: 2 | Dex: 4 (Fast Reflexes) | Str: 2 | Performance: 4 (Guitar)
Obvious flaws: Mute (scars on throat, covered when in public)
Always followed in the Umbra by a tiny, grumpy screech owl | Medium
"Death is only the end if you assume the story is about you." -WTNV
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